Obviously nobody with more intelligence than a daffodil actually "believes" in horoscopes, but a lot of otherwise rational people seem to read theirs anyway. Like mediums, the astrologer's only secret is to generate stuff that is so open-ended that it could apply to anyone. (If Shelley Von Strunckle predicts that I will experience changes that are unsettling at first, but ultimately beneficial, one more time, I will run naked down the A6.)
Here are your stars for this week - let's face it, they have just as much chance of coming true as any others.
Aries: on Thursday you will be startled by a pheasant. Lucky outfit: pyjamas.
Taurus: a tall dark stranger will come to read your electricity meter. Don't leave your handbag in sight when you make him a cup of tea. Lucky musical: Oklahoma.
Gemini: have you checked your tyre pressures lately? You really should, you know. Lucky bath salts: lavender.
Cancer: on Friday you will cook a disappointing breakfast, but Saturday's will be much nicer. Lucky country: Germany.
Leo: all eyes will be on you, Leo, when you accidentally get toilet paper stuck to your foot in a public toilet. Lucky Revel: coffee flavour.
Virgo: you've been overdoing it. Try to relax a bit more. Have you considered taking up macramé? Lucky utensil: fish slice.
Libra: usually the “beautiful” sign of the zodiac, you will suffer an unsightly facial blemish midweek. Try not to pick at it. Lucky tree: sycamore.
Scorpio: a slipper-related accident is waiting to literally trip you up. Keep two 9s dialled on your mobile, just in case. Lucky TV gameshow: Pointless.
Sagittarius: you will have a lovely surprise when you change your duvet cover. Lucky scratch card: Scrabble.
Capricorn: check your change in Holland and Barrett. An otherwise uneventful week. Lucky supplement: Glucosamine.
Aquarius: you will get the urge to rearrange your living room furniture. Get your son round to help in case you trigger an attack of lumbago. Lucky fruit: pear.
Pisces: make sure you chew your food thoroughly to avoid mishaps on Wednesday. Lucky Monopoly token: ship.
You got the day of the week slightly off, but I was slightly surprised to see a dead pheasant on the pavement the other day.
ReplyDeleteSee! Just as much chance of coming true as any others. (And Shelley Von bloody Strunckle DID predict unsettling/ultimately beneficial changes on Sunday, but I'm welching on my promise in the interests of road safety.)
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