How to... Know your class

The British are obsessed with class, and anyone who says not is deluding themselves. Trouble is, everyone now claims to be middle class, from champagne-swilling Range Rover drivers (hopefully not at the same time) to people who consider a KFC Family Bucket “dinner”. So where do you fit into this all-encompassing swathe of middleness? Let's find out...

1. Where did you buy your last sofa?
A) DFS.
B) John Lewis.
C) BUY furniture? How very vulgar.

2. Your dog is called...
A) Tyson.
B) Timmy.
C) Troilus.

3. Your typical summer holiday?
A) A static in Ingolmels.
B) A holiday cottage in Port Isaac.
C) Cannes or St. Kitts.

4. As a child, you had lessons - but in what?
A) Smoking, from your brother's mates on the rec.
B) Cello
C) Dressage/ shooting.

5. What's on your wall?
A) A 60” flat screen with full Sky package.
B) A Lawrence Coulson landscape.
C) Family portraits from the 17c onwards.

6. How do you keep warm?
A) Turn the gas fire up.
B) Another armful of logs on the woodburner.
C) By wearing lots of jumpers and burying yourself under shooting rugs and eight spaniels.

7. When you see Michael Portillo, do you think...
A) Who?
B) The poor man. He must be colour blind.
C) Lovely red chinos. I must ask Mike for the name of his tailor.





Mostly As:
Middle-class wannabe. You think The One Show is highbrow and live on an estate.
Mostly Bs:
The middliest of the middle classes. You only drink real coffee and dream of living next door to Nigel Slater.
Mostly Cs:
Upper-middle-class. Posh in denial. You also live on an estate, but in a very different way to the “mostly As”.